I had a meeting the other day with my graphic designer and friend. As I was going through the concept of Marilyn’s Family (mentoring, guiding, and empowering the ageless senior spirit), I focused for a minute on the empowerment piece. I was discussing the challenges that so many families have in moving their loved one into a senior housing community.
He sat back and said, “Yep - I get it. This makes sense to me ... You know, no matter how much I knew that moving my mom into Assisted Living was the right thing to do, I couldn’t shake the guilt.”
He represented so many families I’ve worked with when he said that. The feeling of taking your parent, grandparent, or loved one out of their home that they’ve known for years and into an Independent or Assisted Living Community can make even the most confident person question.
Unfortunately, I’ve worked with too many families that let guilt make the decision for them. They can’t bring themselves to have the conversation with a sibling or the parent due to the pain it will cause ... So they ignore small warning signs (cognitive decline, changes in behavior, etc) and tell themselves that it’s “not that bad” and that their loved one is still capable of living alone.
Putting off that conversation can sometimes make the situation even worse. Families that ignore warning signs set their loved one up for malnutrition, serious falls, rapid cognitive decline, and even in rare cases, falling prey to senior scams due to loneliness.
Moving is an obviously difficult life transition - and the further a senior declines, the harder it is on them to transition. Waiting too long puts seniors in a difficult situation - they deal with depression and isolation due to feeling self-conscious and/or not being cognitively capable any longer of handling extreme change.
Now on the other hand, seniors that move into an Independent or Assisted Living Community while they are still able to make friends and weather life difficulties truly succeed! They stay healthier for a longer period of time and enjoy a higher quality of life.
My point is simply this: if you are an adult child needing to have “that” conversation with your mom or dad, make sure you understand that sometimes the guilt needs to come by leaving your parent alone - NOT by giving them well rounded meals, medication assistance, and socialization.
If you’re struggling with guilt, or are experiencing difficult family dynamics, I want you to know that you’re not alone. No matter your location, there is support for you. Feel free to leave a comment or email me for help and resources.
We all have a spirit inside of us that’s ageless. The shell that carries our spirit around ages and wears, but remember that your aging loved one still has life to live, new experiences to encounter, and so much love to give.
Take care of your loved one - and give them the opportunity to succeed!
To the beautiful, ageless spirit inside of us all,
Michelle
Michelle.A.Dodd@gmail.com
